Dragon Slayer

We occupied one corner of the dockside bar, our soon-to-be-retired captain, Aldrich, bleary-eyed as he was, washed down the dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets he ordered with a swill of ale. One of the midshipman followed suit and poured a shot down his lean and coarse face. Chief engineer Dietrich walked over to the table like an asynchronous flashing lighthouse. Second mate Friedrich slid a pint of ale over to him when he landed. First mate Heinrich nudged the captain with his free hand.
Aldrich:= T’e gangs’all ‘ere; he gruffed. He followed this with a few more customary coarse trumpets. Three and I knew we would need at least another round; four and I would wonder if we would lose midshipman in a duel, again. Heinrich hoisted one eyebrow at me, which I passed along to the barmaid. When I turned back he began to pack another bowl into his pipe, while Friedrich similarly took one last impatient blast of his Brazilian trumpet. Aldrich wiped barnacled beard and began.
Aldrich:= T’is’s before most yuh’s times but I was used to being a captain of h=ot air balloon (here, he places a crusty mariners sensibility of delicacy to the ‘h’). I served over ‘Nam for t’e Ah=mees. Part of the 51st Signal Division, 1st Company. Yuh know ‘ow we get t‘em storm seasons o’er ‘ere? Well, t’ey get t‘em too, nasty... The captains dialect slips in and I translate to one of the midshipman that he’s referring to a hurricane. One of the junior deck hands gives out a yelp of understanding.
Aldrich:= So, t’is season was particularly nasty. Mean ol’ sonuvabitch blew us off course, ended up in Dragon tear=rit=ry. Fought ‘em off as bes’ I could, but ‘em lizards just kept coming. We’re getting low on cannon shells so I ’ave the skipper take us lower. By now I’ve lost (here he holds up what remains of his first three fingers) ‘lloons and we’re losing air fast t’anks ta t’ose claws tearing up our env’lope. I could hear murmurs in the back. By now the new round of warm ale had arrived and before nary a round had made it to the last seaman, Friedrich slammed his mug onto the table, either to silence the crew to let the captain continue or to show he desired another. The captain stabbed the last chicken nugget on his plate out of some sense of primeval hate. Aldrich:= Let me tell yuh boys: never leave ‘ome wit’out a sabre at yuhs side (the item in question gives a proud rattle). Wit’ my trusty blade Marisa I slew more Dragons ‘an I can count—and lemme tell yuh boys, I’ve created a mor’ ‘an a few numbers in me time. I give a Milanese shrug to the few junior crew who look at me expectantly after this news. Hell if I knew what he was talking about.
Aldrich:= T’eir weak=spot is ‘ight below the sternum on the left side, if yuh e’er ‘ave to fight one, but it ain’t like I left any of ‘em left yuh; he bellows a raucous laugh that reminds the bar’s rafters of the aforementioned season. Aldrich := We crash in=to t’e treetops and I lose my second-in-command. Hard as an L-beam ‘e was but ‘em trees t’at Charlie’s got pierced ‘im ‘gardless. As for ol’ me, I get hurled outta basket like one o’ me cannon shots. Before I can e’en get t’e rest of t’e crew down t’ose damn lizards‘re already picken’ ‘em off. I yank t’e biggest Dragon by t’e tail and slam ‘im to t’e ground. Dazed as ‘e may be I give no quarter ‘n’ run ‘im t’rough wit’ Marisa. By now the lusterless bar has reached a new shade of incandescence and hardly a patron’s soul remains except our sorry lot. Heinrich gets up and leaves, passing a few bills to me on his way out; surely he’s heard it all before, right? The captain pays him no heed. I hand the bills, and a few of my own, to one of the midshipman and have him pay the tab. Before he gets up I drag him to my face and remind him to ask for the receipt.
Aldrich := If Marisa could yell in triumph, she woulda, but I did e=nuff fer da both o’ us. Guess it spooked t’e rest of ‘em ‘cause those lizards flew off like t’eir yellow cousins. Ha ! Still, lost a lotta good men t’at day, aye. Wit’out our ‘lloons ‘ough we ‘ad to trek it back to base, operation a complete failure. Took us o’er a mon’ to get back.
Friedrich := What about the Dragons that got away ?!; he snarls. The captains gives a deep thought to this and strokes his beard. I think he enjoys testing Friedrich.
Dietrich := Captain, Heinrich will leave without us if you take too long.
Aldrich := A’ight, a’ight, I ‘ear yuhs. Well, t’ose sonuvabitches t’at got away, well, let’s just say t’ey ‘ad a nice barbecue t’anks to Uncle Sam; he grins more menacingly than a Dullahan. He folds his hands and pretends to sleep. Dietrich gets up and yells at the rest of the crew to get back to their quarters. The midshipman runs up to me and hands me the receipt. I grab two greenhorns and point them to the table. They gingerly begin to clear the tables, not wishing to disturb the captain’s faux nap.